Graduation

I attended my daughter's graduation today from our local community college. Although she seems a little jaded that this isn't a real (as in 4 year) degree, it was hard not to see what a tremendous accomplishment that this was for many of the students. At the very least, even for my overachiever, this is one of those passages in life that marks an expected change. The next step, if you will.

There are many people who don't find life a simple progression from point A to point B. While most of their contemporaries seem to be on cruise control down a smooth thoroughfare, for these individuals life seems like a series of missteps, wrong turns and disappointments. My father was quite the artist, and in one of his sketches he portrays himself walking sadly down a rocky road, personal rain cloud over his head, black cat crossing his path. I'm sure it seemed to him that every choice was the wrong one - that he was cursed, or jinxed or just unlucky. I suppose it's easy for me to say that he was simply depressed, some chemicals out of whack in his brain, probably a genetic condition. I'm sure that this was so, but it didn't make it any easier on him. In the end, you could say, he gave up.

I've watched my son struggle with these same demons. Never feeling good enough. Or never catching a break. I've watched his mood swings and his pain and I've lived in fear that maybe he would never be happy or even safe. We both laugh a little nervously, and make light of it, but we both always assume it's going to be the hard way. Hard on the people that love him. Much harder on him. Knowing that it's genetic - a brain disorder - a condition beyond his control - may help it to make some sense, but it doesn't change the feelings. Driving for long stretches without a cruise control is exhausting. Sometimes easy would be nice. But from this, there is no simple progression, no obvious next step. So we hope.

See ideas for coping with depression here.