Auld Lang Syne (or days gone by...)

It's hard to believe that 2007 is coming to an end. As I look back at some of this blog, I realize what an incredible year that this has been for me. It's been a hard year, emotionally speaking, but one of many revelations and much growth. So many changes...

I think my son could say the same. He faces enormous challenges every day of his life just living. But I think he has more insight into his bipolar disorder than ever before. He lost a pretty good job this year. But he celebrated a year of marriage. He had a couple of pretty terrible patches. But he seems to be doing well on the medication changes that came from those breaks. He's found a support group. He's talking. One day at a time.

And me? I became an empty nester and have had the bittersweet experience of watching my daughter spread her wings. I opted to go out on my own again in my business - back to the labor of being self employed. I took my Family to Family training and taught my first class this fall - an amazing experience that was equally exhausting and rewarding. I keep plugging along with my support groups, keep plugging along at being married, keep plugging along at my unfulfilling work. Some days I feel that I have nothing left. Some days are good. Some days I need a Xanax to sleep.

This is life. My cup of kindness for those days gone by? I had all of my brood home for Christmas. We ate too much and watched silly movies and played games. It was a good day.

It is a good life.

Bah Humbug!

I don't know about you, but I loathe this time of year. Part of it is related to my job - my hours get brutal - and part of it is all the extra "work" that is expected of me, such as shopping, decorating, and wrapping presents. Don't even mention the office parties. Cuz even if I had the time, I wouldn't enjoy watching my coworkers get drunk. I know that this is supposed to be a happy time; I'm supposed to enjoy all of this. But although I love giving gifts to those I care about, I don't so much enjoy the rest of it. I find myself tired, cranky and down most of December. If this sounds like you - some strategies to avoid the worst of the December Dumps courtesy of Mark Sichel, LCSW:

1. Have an attitude of gratitude. Misery and gratitude cannot occupy the same space in our psychological house, and we have the power to choose between these emotional states.

2. One golden rule to getting along with family....be responsible for how you behave, You certainly have no control over how your relatives behave. The most important part of avoiding holiday stress with our families is for each of us to feel mastery over, & satisfaction with, our own behaviors, attitudes & feelings. If you know in your head and your heart that you've acted like the best parent, child, brother, sister, friend that you know how to be, you can walk away from any difficulty feeling good about yourself.

3. If you're feeling depressed and lonely, volunteer with any number of groups that help underprivileged or hospitalized children, the homeless, or the aged and disabled at the holidays. There are many, many opportunities for doing community service. No one can be depressed when they are doing community service.

4. Decide upon your priorities and stick to them. Organize your time. Be reasonable with your schedule. Do not overbook yourself into a state of exhaustion--this makes people cranky, irritable, and depressed.

5 Remember, no matter what your plans, the holidays do not automatically take away feelings of aloneness, sadness, frustration, anger, and fear.

6. Be careful about resentments related to holidays past. Declare an amnesty with whichever family member or friend you are feeling past resentments. Do not feel it is helpful or intimate to tell your relative every resentment on your long laundry list of grievances. Don't let your relative do that to you, either.

7. Don't expect the holidays to be just as they were when you were a child. They NEVER are. YOU are not the same as when you were a child, and no one else in the family is either. On the other hand, if your memories of childhood holidays are awful, be grateful that you now have the capacity and skills to make them wonderful for yourself and those you love.

8. Plan unstructured, low-cost fun holiday activities: window-shop and look at the Holiday decorations. Look at people's Christmas lighting on their homes, take a trip to the countryside, etc.--the opportunities are endless.

9. Do not let the holidays become a reason for over-indulging in food and drink and create unnecessary weight gain and hangovers for yourself. This will exacerbate your depression and anxiety. Contrary to popular opinion, alcohol is a depressant.

10. Give yourself a break; create time for yourself to do the things YOU love to do.

I'm going to try to remember this last one.