Bipolar Survey - Consumers and Caregivers

PatientView, an independent research-and-publishing organization, along with the World Federation of Mental Health (WFMH) and other European-based groups are conducting a survey to guide them in creating a global website for people living with bipolar depression. The survey can be taken online, and participants can remain anonymous if they choose. The survey closes June 30, 2008. The survey hopes to find out: 1. What people with Bipolar think are the most important types of healthcare information for them; 2. other key subjects of importance to people with Bipolar; and 3. What people with Bipolar think sets them apart from other people with a mental health condition.

(This takes a few minutes to fill out, but how often does anyone even ask what we think about the quality of information available to consumers and their loved ones, and the quality of the care we receive? Almost every question has a field where you can leave comments. Take the time to take this survey. Maybe someone is listening.)

Healthy Ideas to Manage Life's Pressures

So we know it's all not going to be a carousel ride, don't we? How we handle the ups and downs of day to day living can profoundly affect our mental and physical health. With a brain already chemically out of balance, any disruption can seem unbearable; even missing a meal or not getting enough sleep can spiral into something much worse. Let's think of some ways to take care of ourselves, shall we? (With a little help from Mental Health America...)

• Connect with others. You don't have to cope with stress or other issues on your own. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, support group or counselor can make you feel better. Spending time with positive, loving people that you care about and trust can ease stress and improve your mood. (duh. Going it alone sucks.)
  

• Relax your mind. Each person has his or her own ways to relax. You can relax by listening to soothing music, reading a book, or doing a quiet activity. Also think about deep breathing, yoga, meditation or massage therapy. (I'm all over that massage thing.)

• Exercise. Exercising relieves your tense muscles, improves your mood and sleep, and increases your energy and strength. In fact, researchers say that exercise eases symptoms of anxiety and depression. You may not even need to exercise intensely to get the benefits of activity. Try taking a brisk walk or use a stationary bike. See what it takes for you to feel better. (If you answered "not exercising" you are not trying.)

We'll continue this discussion later.... You can check out Mental Health America here.

Happy Mother's Day

Although this post might be better saved for Father's Day - I happen to be reading David Sheff's book Beautiful Boy - A Father's Journey through his Son's Addiction. Although I've been lucky and haven't had to deal with this issue as a parent (not drug abuse, but addiction,) I can't help but notice the parallels with dealing with a child with mental illness. Consider this paragraph in the introduction:

"Like many in my straits, I became addicted to my child's addiction. When it preoccupied me, even at the expense of my responsibilities to my wife and other children, I justified it. I thought, How can a parent not be consumed by his child's life-or-death struggle? But I learned that my preoccupation with Nic didn't help him and may have harmed him. Or maybe it was irrelevant to him. However, it surely harmed the rest of my family -- and me. Along with this, I learned another lesson, a soul-shaking one: our children live or die with or without us. No matter what we do, no matter how we agonize or obsess, we cannot choose for our children whether they live or die. It is a devastating realization, but also liberating. I finally chose life for myself. I chose the perilous but essential path that allows me to accept that Nic will decide for himself how -- and whether -- he will live his life."

As I continue to come to terms with my son and his illness, I have come face to face with this decision. I sometimes wonder if I have the courage to let go - or if I will keep trying to save him from himself indefinitely. I do this not only at the expense of my health and well being, but also at the expense of others that I love. Others who often deserve more of my attention, while I'm busy worrying about my boy. It's a posh kind of selfishness - this mother obsession. My son will be 24 this year; not only is he an adult in every socially recognized way, but he is a married adult. He will most likely continue to make decisions that I think are irrational - he will continue to lie reflexively (a maladjusted protective strategy that works too well to be abandoned,) he will continue to fly by the seat of his pants, forget his medication and fight with his spouse. The question is: Will I continue to live on the edge of the precipice fearfully awaiting the next hysterical phone call? Or will I choose to lead my own life? Can I let go and simply let him live his?

Happy Mother's Day.

Hiatus due to insanity....

Typical exchange: A - "How've you been?"
B - "uhhh, well you know."
A - "That good, huh?"
B - "Life with mental illness."

I feel like I'm eternally on the edge of the abyss. The stupid worst of it is that the better things seem to be, the closer I feel to falling off. I've learned that this is often truly the case, and so I now suffer from a sort of constant negative paranoia. When I don't hear often from my son, no news is definitely not good news; it's just the quiet before the hysterical phone call from his wife. It's not a question of IF something bad will happen. It's a question of WHEN. I'd say conventional wisdom will give that quiet period an average lifespan of six months. Tops.

It doesn't matter that I've worked hard to educate myself about the nature of his disease (and probably hers as well,) and for that matter, my own. When the doodoo hits the fan, I'm back to square one. Back to being pissed off. Back to wondering if I'll ever have a life of my own, free of the day to day drama of theirs. Back to a grief so deep I think I'll never stop crying - that I am the cause of his suffering, the carrier of mental illness, that I passed this on to him and probably made it worse by every parental failure. Back to the futile sense of responsibility and the desire to fix it, somehow, someway. This usually pulls me full circle back to pissed off - that someone who is chronologically an adult can do such bonehead things, make such awe inspiring errors in judgment and then put the cherry on top by lying about it.

I'm being selfish here. I'm struggling with my own depression, the beginning of summer when my husband is away for the better part of four months, living alone for essentially the first time of my life, weight and health issues and trying to redefine myself with an empty nest. I was pretty wrapped up in all of that and having a nifty little pity party when the phone call came. Now I'm in the limbo of waiting to see what they will decide to do with the newest crisis. My self assigned role as their main support means I must remain rational, reasonable and available. I try.

But although I never miss the onset of crisis, I'm rarely in on the work of it. I hope that they are talking, that the rush of discovery and accusations has been replaced with the labor of staying committed to one another despite the obstacles. Marriage is damn hard work. Marriage with mental illness in the mix? I believe that they love each other, despite his knee jerk habit of lying to her and despite her knee jerk habit of saying it's over. They've been through a lot and still come out together. I believe they can handle this. I hope they can. And I'll do my best to handle whatever comes out of this. Life with mental illness.