Why I Volunteer

I have a tendency to rely on familiar phrases a little too heavily, so I wonder how many times someone has heard me say that no one learns about mental illness until the train hits them. I dearly love the visual of that metaphor ... can think of few things that capture the essence of serious brain disorder more completely than a train wreck. The onset of mental illness is a scene of total chaos and destruction, and it matters little if that onset happens to you or to someone you love. In an instant the world is transformed into a scary and perilous place; there is only darkness, twisted metal and pain.

The train hit me four years ago when a sobbing girl called my cell phone to tell me my son was on his way to St. Joseph's - that he had taken a lot of pills and she had called 911. I was standing in Safeway at the time, and I thanked her and left a cart full of groceries to start the hour drive it would take me to get to the hospital. I wasn't sure what I would find when I got there. It was the longest hour of my life. I don't remember what went through my head as I drove. Maybe darkness, twisted metal and pain.

That was the beginning of this journey, and I've been trying to make sense of the train wreck ever since. Luckily, my son came home with me the next day and began his own journey of recovery, slowly and shakily at first; but always making some progress. Medications, the frustrations of dealing with the VA, relapses, lost jobs, different medications, breaks, weight gain, counselors, blood tests and on and on it goes. Good days, a wedding, and growth as well. Lots and lots of learning - book after book and then the NAMI Family to Family course. A learning curve of unbelievable proportions for everyone. Through it all - love - and a deepening respect for anyone who has to live with these things. And more love.

So why do I volunteer? Penance, I'll tell you with a laugh. Doing time for all the mistakes I made before I understood the nature of the disease. As a way to honor his fight to survive and define my own. But more than that, volunteering is a way for me to help someone who just got hit by a train. Volunteering helps me shine a little light on the wreckage and find the survivors. So I'll teach a class, or facilitate a group, listen on the phone or pass on some information. It takes so little. It does so much.

Find your local NAMI affiliate for volunteering opportunities here.