Gay in America

In 1973 the APA did away with homosexuality as a mental disorder. The change wasn't easy, but the weight of the scientific evidence suggested that same-sex attraction was a normal variant of sexuality among well-adjusted people. Today, you can hardly open a paper or turn on the news that you aren't hearing some new horror show about gays in America - from teens being bullied to suicide to states denying civil liberties to same sex couples. I'm often mortified because I grew up knowing that some people are gay - in fact, both of my uncles were homosexual. I never occurred to me as a child that there was anything wrong with that. I called their partners 'uncle,' too. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

I didn't realize until I was an adult, the price that every gay man or woman must pay to live in our society. And although I have gay people in my life who have found a measure of happiness; who have found someone to love and were lucky enough to have an accepting and loving family, even these people bear the scars of being different in a culture that grows less and less accepting of anything but some idealized 'normal' (which seems to me to be white, male, straight and Protestant.) I watched a beloved uncle die of AIDS back in the day where it was referred to as "the gay plague" and watched nurses refuse to touch him because of their ignorance. I watched another struggle with his faith, a faith that denied who he was and labeled him a 'sinner' for loving the people that he loved. He lived a monogamous life for nearly 25 years with the same partner, but could never be married. He is a veteran (both of my gay uncles served their country... imagine that,) and lives with bi-polar disorder. I know of two (thankfully) unsuccessful suicide attempts.

In my opinion, every human being is the result of a nearly infinite number of variables. Many of these variables are visible to us in our lifetimes - where we were born and to whom, our social situation and nationality, our training into that society and into spirituality, and all the things we experience from our birth to where we are now. Perhaps we can decipher some of these variables, although I suspect that many people never feel the need to. In addition, we consist of innumerable amounts of genetic code; codes that give us our gender and the color of our eyes and skin, our height and body type, even five fingers and toes. But there are codes for every possible variation in the human being and scientists have only scratched the surface of these. Some codes make people susceptible to disease, or unable to moderate their mood, and yes, I do believe that some people are genetically homosexual. With all that infinite variety, from completely straight to completely gay, and every variation in the middle of that, human sexuality simply is. We are sexual beings. It shouldn't be a big thing.

Statistically, twenty percent of the human population is gay. Always have been. Always will be. I've always thought of it as a type of natural birth control. Some of those gay people have brain disorders, some have hemophilia, heart disease or diabetes, some will stay in the closet, some will become activists and fight for their basic rights. In the end, all of them are simply human beings and as such are entitled to basic human rights and basic human dignity. And as such they want what we all want, to be loved... and to live without fear.