Are you a perfectionist? Some folks will tell you that they are with a certain note of pride. Perfection is seen as desirable, the sign of a winner, or a goal to be attained. Our culture views the perfectionist as someone who has ample ability, who strives to be successful, who can get the job done. But there is a great difference between those who have high standards and a healthy desire to be successful and the perfectionist. Do you have drive or are you driven?Perfectionists subscribe to "all or nothing" thinking - seeing every experience as good or bad depending solely on the outcome. This leads to lots of anxiety - you can imagine the pressure when every task is seen as a potential disaster. Perfectionists are motivated more by a fear of failure than a desire for success, and that fear of failure can be crippling; the attitude of 'flawless or not at all' leads to procrastination at best or complete abdication at worst. All of this self inflicted stress inevitably results in depression, performance anxiety, and low self esteem. It takes a terrible toll on a persons physical and mental health.
Perfectionists have unrealistic expectations, not only about their own capacities, but also about what is reasonable behavior in others. This puts tremendous strain on their relationships. Because of these expectations, perfectionists often contribute to the demise of relationships by unending criticism and blame. What spouse could live up to their standards? And the children of perfectionists are terribly vulnerable to these unrealistic expectations. Dr. Edmund J. Bourne, wrote about the childhood origins of anxiety disorders in his book, The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook. He felt that children who grow up with parents who are perfectionists are likely to experience self-doubt and low self-esteem. They are also likely to grow up to be perfectionists themselves.
Are you a perfectionist? Unfortunately, I am. Learn more about coping strategies here.
